Donor – a well-kept secret
How much can you really know about a donor? And do you get to choose the donor yourself? Farmen couple Lene Sleperud and Tonje Frøystad Garvik wanted to know "everything", but had to live with uncertainty.
Most people want their child to resemble their parents. So they need a donor who has the same hair, eye, and skin color. But how do you go about it?
All couples and singles undergoing treatment must list the physical characteristics the donor should have. In addition, you are given the opportunity to enter up to 3 preferred donors – if you wish. In that case you search yourself among the donors listed at Cryos, the sperm bank Medicus collaborates with.
Lene and Tonje took their time – and eventually settled on 3 candidates. The couple still doesn't know who was chosen.
The doctor makes the decision – and the election remains secret.
Simple or extended profile
When you or you need a donor, you can choose between "simple profile" or "extended profile"If you go for an extended profile, you can access a photo of the donor.
Or you can leave it entirely up to the doctor to find a good match.
– It varies how much information you want about the donor, but we wanted to know as much as possible, says Tonje.
The couple chose a so-called “extended profile with adult photo.” The package contains information about personality, family background, education, and interests. With this information available, Lene and Tonje felt it was easier to select donors they recognized themselves in.
Get an overview of types of donor profiles and prices in the financial guide
Only the child can know the donor's name.
Whether the donor insemination is carried out through a private or public clinic, the prospective parents do not know the identity of the donor assigned to them. It is the responsibility of the treatment facility to select a donor who has the characteristics that the prospective parents have provided.
Usually, the doctor selects a donor from the wish list, but the couple does not know which one. They also do not know if the doctor had to choose a donor outside the list. Only the child himself can find out who the donor is when the child turns 15 – if he wants to.
Dreamed about partner donation
In 2021, the legislation on partner donation was changed, and it is now possible for lesbian couples to donate eggs to each other without a medical reason. To the couple's disappointment, the change in law occurred after Lene and Tonje began their journey towards baby happiness.
– We think it was a bit sad that the opportunity came so late, because it has has been our dream all along: to get pregnant with each other's eggs, says Lene.
The desire to have a special connection with the other's biological child was so strong that they considered going to great lengths to make it happen. Then reason took over.
– We actually checked out the possibilities of getting partner donation abroad. But we concluded that when it is possible to have children in Norway, it is a much smarter solution. Both financially and in terms of stress, considering traveling both frequently and far, says Tonje.
The fact that the change in law came too late is not something they regret, however.
We will be just as happy with our children no matter what."I don't think it will change the attachment or affect the love for the child in any way. But it's just an incredibly nice and nice thought that you could do it that way," says Tonje.
