Worrying about worrying – even when the test is positive
Pregnant, but no joy? Troubled thoughts can overshadow the enthusiasm for a growing belly. Farmen couple Lene Sleperud and Tonje Frøystad Garvik experienced it themselves. – Completely normal, says fertility coach Mari Fevaag Heger.
For Lene and Tonje, who participated in "Farmen" in 2018, it was a demanding journey with in vitro fertilization (IVF). The waiting time with hormone treatments, hopes and disappointments made it difficult to comprehend when they finally had a child, even with Lene's bulging belly.
When Mari Fevaag Heger at Medicus spoke to the couple 3 months before their due date, it was still difficult to fully believe that they were expecting a little boy.
"It's actually completely surreal. It's so strange to think that there's a little baby inside her belly," says Tonje, brimming with excitement.
Finally two lines
The attempts with hormone injections, egg retrieval, implantation and negative pregnancy tests have left their mark. The couple was visiting Tonje's family in Sunnmøre when a new test was due after the third egg implantation.
Even though they were brimming with hope, fear lay at the bottom and murmured.
– I woke Tonje up early the day we were going to take the test. I was sweating and shaking, because I knew how sorry I would be if it didn't work this time either, Lene says.
A clear pink control line appeared first. After a few agonizing minutes, they could see another faint pink line. They had to double-check the instructions: Two lines mean a positive result.
– The first response was that maybe there was something wrong with the test, laughs Tonje.
Fearing to feel disappointment again, the defense mechanism rose up like a thick wall before they even had time to feel the joy of two lines on the display.
“We didn't believe it,” says Lene.
Fertility coach Mari Heger, who had supported them throughout the process, had to be involved. The couple sent her a picture of the test result. “Of course you’re pregnant,” came back immediately.
Lene and Tonje were expecting a little baby.
And then came the next worry: What if we miscarry?
Afraid to rejoice
For 10 months they had felt the hope. The joy. The fear. The sorrow.
“Do we dare to lean into this and enjoy it?” Tonje remembers them both thinking.
Lene tried to focus on the joy of being pregnant, but felt her worries escalate after the positive pregnancy test. She checked for blood on the paper every time she went to the bathroom.
The fertility coach recognizes the fear, both from her own test tube experience and what many of her patients tell us.
– It's natural for this fear to arise, especially when you've worked so hard to get there. Both you and those around you expect you to be extremely happy that you're pregnant. But it's not always that simple, she says.
For some, fear can overshadow the joy of becoming pregnant.
– Many people find it easier to be in the trial period than at the beginning of the pregnancy. It gets so intense when they think: “If things go wrong now, I’ll go all the way back to the beginning. And then I don’t know if I’ll recover,” says Mari.
Allaying concerns with ultrasound
At Medicus, couples and singles can come into the clinic for an ultrasound at week 7 or 8 to monitor the development of the fetus. Everything looked absolutely brilliant with Lene and Tonje's little "mini".
The weeks passed – and the worries grew.
– I quickly became nauseous and tired, but I didn't feel anything in my stomach. When I told Tonje that I was afraid the fetus was dead, I got chills, says Lene.
The fear that something was wrong did not go away. Therefore, the couple chose to have an additional ultrasound at week 12.
– It was incredibly scary when they looked for the heart. We held our breath. When we heard the heart beating, we felt an enormous sense of relief. Only then did we dare to start rejoicing – for real, says Lene.
