When assisted reproduction for female couples was allowed in Norway, Hanne Kvello (39) and Jannicke Jensen (39) had wanted children for a long time. But they were not prepared for what they encountered when they contacted the fertility clinic Medicus.
The change in the Marriage Act in 2009 brought several long-awaited joys. Not only were lesbian couples finally allowed to marry, they also had the opportunity to have children with assisted reproduction – without necessarily having to marry first.
The couple Hanne and Jannicke have now had three beautiful daughters through IVF: Lilje (8), Mie (5) and Ninni (1). But the road to a complete family was longer than they had imagined.
Public hospital recommended private clinic
The waiting list for a donor at a public hospital was as long as a year. Up to two years, to be exact. The hospital eventually sent the couple a letter recommending they visit a private clinic if they wanted to get started more quickly.
After already waiting for three years, there was nothing to think about.
Hanne was the one who would carry the couple's first child, while Jannicke held her hand the whole way.
The couple on the couch are silent for a moment. Then they begin to talk about several failed attempts at the first clinic they visited.
– We were very excited to get started and quickly contacted the first private clinic that started the service. It was a clinic in Oslo. We went through four insemination attempts there. Unfortunately, without success, says Hanne.
She talks about it in a light tone now, eleven years later. But the disappointment of not having the long-awaited sprout in her belly still shines through.
– We thought it would go so quickly and smoothly. I just didn't understand why it didn't. None of the tests suggested there was any reason for it, she says.
Not long after Hanne started hormone treatment at the Oslo clinic, the service for lesbians was also established at the fertility clinic Medicus:
– After the fourth failed attempt, we sent an email to Medicus. A lot changed then, says Hanne happily.
Both competence and warm care
It didn't take long from the time they pressed the "send" button on the email until they were invited into Medicus' living room.
– I found them to be very welcoming. They were incredibly nice, and we were met with a genuine desire to help us have the child we wanted, says Hanne.
The couple quickly became on first-name terms with everyone – from founder Terje Sørdal to those who worked in the lab. Even now, years later, they stop and chat with Medicus employees when they happen to meet them on a trip.
Jannicke remembers well the first time they opened the doors to the clinic:
– We started with a conversation with a nice nurse. Several conversations, actually. And what was both surprising and nice was that we got her phone number.
"Just call me."
anytime",
said the nurse.
Jannicke shrugs, almost still in disbelief. It was perhaps the most obvious thing for the nurse, but for the couple it felt like they were being showered with care.
– We ended up calling her a couple of times in the evenings, and she answered right away. It was very good for us to have that reassurance with us the whole way, Jannicke continues.
From insemination to test tubes – then came Lilje
Since Hanne had four insemination attempts behind her, they were recommended to instead fertilize the egg in the laboratory at Medicus.
“We bought a package of three IVF attempts. Two ended up with it, then Lilje came,” says Hanne, glancing over at the 8-year-old.
Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a simpler and cheaper treatment and is often recommended when two women want to have a child. If pregnancy fails after several attempts, the chances often increase with in vitro fertilization (IVF). Statistics show that more people are successful with IVF than IUI.
– When it was my turn to get pregnant, we bought the same package of three IVF tests. I only needed one conception, and then I got pregnant with Mie. We were prepared that it might take time, so we were happy that it went well on the first try, says Jannicke.
The preschooler looks up from her tablet for a second. Maybe she heard her name. Maybe not. She doesn't show much interest in the conversation, she knows full well how she came to be.
Despite the fact that Hanne and Jannicke paid for more attempts than necessary, the mothers say that the peace of mind they gained during the processes was worth the money.
– I felt that just knowing that we had already paid for several options made me relax more. I didn't have to worry about finances while I was undergoing treatment. “Can we afford to try again if it doesn't work out now, or do we only have this one chance?” was not something I wanted to have hanging over me right then and there, Hanne recalls.
Jannicke nods in the affirmative:
– It creates a sense of security that makes you relax more and stress less.
Homely room – with homemade pastries
When all the hormone injections were given, the couple returned to Medicus to perform egg retrieval.
– After the egg retrieval, we were given a separate room where Hanne could lie down and relax. It was very nice. The nurses stopped by, served us drinks and homemade pastries. We were allowed to stay there as long as we wanted – in “our” room, says Jannicke.
The tradition of serving homemade pastries started with Liv Sørdal – the wife of the founder of the clinic.
Today, 20 years later, fresh baked goods are still served to those who have come here for treatment.
– We felt that we were treated with care throughout the entire process. They had time for us. That caring thing is the alpha and omega, because you are so uncertain in this process. And it is good to know that de "If you have control over everything, you don't have to think about it anymore. I think that especially for those who come from far away, the care and trust in the clinic is of extra importance," Hanne says thoughtfully.
The roommate nods.
– Yes, it was good that they were available all the time. We didn't expect that. At Medicus they have a lot of expertise, and then they have the warm, humane care in addition. It's a good combination, concludes Jannicke.
7 pieces of advice from Hanne and Jannicke for those of you who want children
Hanne and Jannicke plunged headfirst into the process of assisted reproduction. After three successful pregnancies, they have gained some experience that you may find useful.
1. Don't wait too long. Be prepared that it may take a long time.
We discovered that it took much longer than we thought to get pregnant. So if you know you want children, our advice is to start as soon as possible. There was nothing to indicate that we would have problems having children, but it still took time. Home improvement and a new car can wait.
2. It's nice to have something else to focus on during the process.
If not, it will quickly become long days. There will be a lot of waiting: First you have to wait for the right time to insert the egg, then you have to wait and see if you get pregnant. And if you don't, you have to wait until the next cycle – or skip one. Then it's nice to have something else to think about.
3. Think through what and how much you want to share with others.
For some, it may be a bit invasive to have everyone around you participate in the process, while others want it. We chose to share some, but not everything.
It's a good idea to think it through in advance, so you both say the same thing to family and friends.
4. Be prepared that you may react to the hormone therapy, but don't expect to feel sick.
We knew before we started the medication that there could be some physical side effects. None of us had any reactions. It's good to be prepared for that, but not everyone reacts.
5. Consider whether you want to use the same donor multiple times (reserve donor straws).
We chose to have three different donors because we wanted the children to have us in common – and not a third party. When our girls turn 18 (now the law says 15), they have the right to know who the donor is and can seek them out if they want. Then we could suddenly have a situation where our eldest knows who the donor is, but the two younger ones don’t.
At the same time, we fully understand the argument for choosing a common donor, so the siblings have something genetically in common (if both mothers want to carry children). It may be good to think through what is right for you before you get started.
6. Prepare what you want to say about the donor.
You will be asked questions by others about what you know about the donor. We recommend that you think carefully about what you want to share so that you don't respond in embarrassment.
7. Buy a 3-pack if you are recommended test tubes
It is possible to purchase one trial, or a package of three trials. If you have the opportunity, we recommend the 3-pack. It provides security that allows you to relax more during the treatment and not stress over the financial aspect.
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